**LATE NIGHT SPECIAL**
Krystal, Bojangles, Whataburger, Taco Bueno, Raising Cain's. Just a few food giants of the Southeast states, known for their starchy, greasy, overindulgent greatness. But there are few names so synonymous with the South as Waffle House. Is it too much to call this hornet-hued late-night restaurant the greatest thing in the South still open after 2 a.m.? No, no, no. There are heaps of hash brown maniacs who'd have us chunked, diced, and smothered just for saying otherwise.
These same fans are the ones who, even tonight, will rally to the yellow glow of their local Waffle House and submerge themselves into Texas toast, cheese grits, and chocolate chip waffles. There are many foreigners who would even go so far as to say that Waffle House epitomizes the South. And that ain't a bad thing! We at Faylunchin can't think of a time, even surrounded by a mob of intoxicated diners, when the servers and cooks weren't hospitable to a perfect T. And has anyone (not too drunk to eat) ever left Waffle House without feeling well-fed?
Our point: Faylunchin saw a need to visit our local Waffle House. Seeing as its existence flows hand-in-hand with Southern culture, practically defining how Southerners eat after midnight, it's no wonder that this restaurant has been the haven for headlines, brawls, ex-employee blogs, and unofficial sponsors for rappers or otherwise.
Ok, we're rambling....Waffle House makes us do that. Let's get to it!
On a chilly Saturday evening, 10:30 p.m. (early for Waffle House standards), the trio of Faylunchin crossed the tundra of Martin Luther King Drive, and entered the warming halls of their paper-hat wearing heroes. Here's what they thought:
These same fans are the ones who, even tonight, will rally to the yellow glow of their local Waffle House and submerge themselves into Texas toast, cheese grits, and chocolate chip waffles. There are many foreigners who would even go so far as to say that Waffle House epitomizes the South. And that ain't a bad thing! We at Faylunchin can't think of a time, even surrounded by a mob of intoxicated diners, when the servers and cooks weren't hospitable to a perfect T. And has anyone (not too drunk to eat) ever left Waffle House without feeling well-fed?
Our point: Faylunchin saw a need to visit our local Waffle House. Seeing as its existence flows hand-in-hand with Southern culture, practically defining how Southerners eat after midnight, it's no wonder that this restaurant has been the haven for headlines, brawls, ex-employee blogs, and unofficial sponsors for rappers or otherwise.
Ok, we're rambling....Waffle House makes us do that. Let's get to it!
On a chilly Saturday evening, 10:30 p.m. (early for Waffle House standards), the trio of Faylunchin crossed the tundra of Martin Luther King Drive, and entered the warming halls of their paper-hat wearing heroes. Here's what they thought:
Our late night system is structured within four primary categories: Atmosphere, Food, Service, and Value For Money (rather than Lunch Bargain). We base our scores out of a possible ten points per category--typical stuff, we know. But this is where our ratings diverge! Sure, we count up the numbers, but they don't have so much to do with the restaurant's overall score. That, friends, is our pride and joy: a celebrity tribute, where we define a restaurant's personality with a famous person's name. Cool, huh? Ya, we know.
ATMOSPHERE
There is a reason that we chose the Waffle House on Martin Luther King drive, and that is because Dickson Street's location is a local phenomenon. A thing of razorback beauty. If you've ever wandered Dickson of a night, then surely you've passed the red tiles, seen the weird, emaciated hog chasing a waffle with fork and knife around the restaurant's wall-space. That place is wonderful, but we were looking for the typical Waffle House vibe.
When we pulled up to Waffle House's relatively empty parking lot, we knew that we'd be missing much of the entertainment provided had it been past midnight. However, we expected to be welcomed and served more diligently by contrast.
We took a corner booth, with a perfect view of Sprint Tax services outside, and carefully studied the menu for no reason whatsoever. Most of us (ahem, Harvey) knew what we wanted as soon as we walked inside. That's just how Waffle House is.
The hissing laughter of hash browns, the chorus of the caffeinated staff singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", and the squeaking slip-proof shoes on immaculately shining tiles. These sounds, mixed with the aromas of all-day breakfast, were orchestral, each waiter and cook an unsung maestro of their craft. We were greeted by our server and we ordered.
SCORE 7.5/10
There is a reason that we chose the Waffle House on Martin Luther King drive, and that is because Dickson Street's location is a local phenomenon. A thing of razorback beauty. If you've ever wandered Dickson of a night, then surely you've passed the red tiles, seen the weird, emaciated hog chasing a waffle with fork and knife around the restaurant's wall-space. That place is wonderful, but we were looking for the typical Waffle House vibe.
When we pulled up to Waffle House's relatively empty parking lot, we knew that we'd be missing much of the entertainment provided had it been past midnight. However, we expected to be welcomed and served more diligently by contrast.
We took a corner booth, with a perfect view of Sprint Tax services outside, and carefully studied the menu for no reason whatsoever. Most of us (ahem, Harvey) knew what we wanted as soon as we walked inside. That's just how Waffle House is.
The hissing laughter of hash browns, the chorus of the caffeinated staff singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", and the squeaking slip-proof shoes on immaculately shining tiles. These sounds, mixed with the aromas of all-day breakfast, were orchestral, each waiter and cook an unsung maestro of their craft. We were greeted by our server and we ordered.
SCORE 7.5/10
Bathrooms
In an unlikely shift, Mike was the one to frequent the bathroom this evening. And he reported that the bathrooms, each separate single baths for women and men, were wide and well-scrubbed. The metal doors that locked with both a pin and deadbolt, could not have been more secure had they been in an asylum. The floors and walls were as immaculate as the dining room, in the "just cleaned a crime scene" sense.
SCORE 7/10
In an unlikely shift, Mike was the one to frequent the bathroom this evening. And he reported that the bathrooms, each separate single baths for women and men, were wide and well-scrubbed. The metal doors that locked with both a pin and deadbolt, could not have been more secure had they been in an asylum. The floors and walls were as immaculate as the dining room, in the "just cleaned a crime scene" sense.
SCORE 7/10
FOOD
How you rate the food at Waffle House depends very much upon your state of mind, most especially your sobriety level. Michael would argue, having eaten Waffle House for no other reason than to just eat Waffle House, that it doesn't matter if you're drunk or not--GOOD FOOD IS GOOD FOOD. But for the sake of argument, let's say that, like Taco Bell, Waffle House's menu can be either legendary or the type of experience that elicits a swift run to the bathroom.
An Englishman and an Indian had been drinking at Nomad's that evening, all in preparation for the breakfast bounty, while a Chinese Man took the more responsible, sober route. Surprisingly, their rating of the food was consistently positive. (So maybe Michael is right).
Harvey ordered the popular Allstars Breakfast with ham, a chocolate chip waffle, and substituted grits for hash browns, smothered, covered, and diced. An impressive choice for the English bloke, who's actually the most American of the trio. Qi--and need we remind you that he was sober--ordered the Texas Bacon Cheesesteak Melt with hash browns that were smothered, covered, chunked, and diced. Mike picked one of his childhood favorites, Steak and eggs with hash browns covered and diced.
Take a look at the photos and you'll see the same, consistent quality that would be found in any Waffle House throughout the Southeast. Crispy toast, perfectly molded eggs (real egg, none of that powdered B.S.), and greasy slabs of meat that, while not the primest cuts, certainly serve every nourishable need of a inebriated diner. SCORE 6/10
How you rate the food at Waffle House depends very much upon your state of mind, most especially your sobriety level. Michael would argue, having eaten Waffle House for no other reason than to just eat Waffle House, that it doesn't matter if you're drunk or not--GOOD FOOD IS GOOD FOOD. But for the sake of argument, let's say that, like Taco Bell, Waffle House's menu can be either legendary or the type of experience that elicits a swift run to the bathroom.
An Englishman and an Indian had been drinking at Nomad's that evening, all in preparation for the breakfast bounty, while a Chinese Man took the more responsible, sober route. Surprisingly, their rating of the food was consistently positive. (So maybe Michael is right).
Harvey ordered the popular Allstars Breakfast with ham, a chocolate chip waffle, and substituted grits for hash browns, smothered, covered, and diced. An impressive choice for the English bloke, who's actually the most American of the trio. Qi--and need we remind you that he was sober--ordered the Texas Bacon Cheesesteak Melt with hash browns that were smothered, covered, chunked, and diced. Mike picked one of his childhood favorites, Steak and eggs with hash browns covered and diced.
Take a look at the photos and you'll see the same, consistent quality that would be found in any Waffle House throughout the Southeast. Crispy toast, perfectly molded eggs (real egg, none of that powdered B.S.), and greasy slabs of meat that, while not the primest cuts, certainly serve every nourishable need of a inebriated diner. SCORE 6/10
VALUE FOR MONEY Speaking of value for your money, we'll only give you two pieces of advice: First, scroll up and look at that food again. Okay, now say these two magic words: WAFFLE. HOUSE. You can add a "motha' f---in' " as a prefix if you like. SCORE 8/10 SERVICE Going hand-in-hand with value, Waffle House gives you a consistent performance upon each visit. You'll always find the fryer on, the chartreuse lights blazing, the staff in a pleasantly caffeinated daze. And like always, our food took approximately 10 minutes to make, our server checked on our waters and soft drinks every few minutes, even when that table of drunk students sat behind us. You don't come to Waffle House looking for the immaculate service of a fine-dining establishment, but you always leave content. SCORE 7/10 |
OVERALL SCORE
This one might be a doozie for many of you. For others, ya, it'll make perfect sense.
Our celebrity score comes not from the South, but from New Jersey by way of New York. He doesn't parlay with antiquated niceties, or shoot shit with gentle folk for the sake of conversation. In the 80s and 90s, you very well could've found him behind his restaurant, smoking dope between two dumpsters. He's raw, unfettered, like the oysters that claimed his culinary lust. Most importantly, he's hungry and drunk.
Yes folks, our celebrity score this week is none other than...
This one might be a doozie for many of you. For others, ya, it'll make perfect sense.
Our celebrity score comes not from the South, but from New Jersey by way of New York. He doesn't parlay with antiquated niceties, or shoot shit with gentle folk for the sake of conversation. In the 80s and 90s, you very well could've found him behind his restaurant, smoking dope between two dumpsters. He's raw, unfettered, like the oysters that claimed his culinary lust. Most importantly, he's hungry and drunk.
Yes folks, our celebrity score this week is none other than...
(photo courtesy of Mensjournal.com)
Because all you really need to embrace the spirit of Waffle House is a passion for food and an empty stomach. Anthony Bourdain has this, plus a talent for communicating that transcends the drunk mumbles of the surrounding patrons. "Hmmm, grits."
Want an example? Here's a snippet from Bourdain's Parts Unknown on CNN. Why don't you get hammered, walk to Waffle House, and try verbalizing the experience in half-so-much detail? See you there!
Want an example? Here's a snippet from Bourdain's Parts Unknown on CNN. Why don't you get hammered, walk to Waffle House, and try verbalizing the experience in half-so-much detail? See you there!
AND, for your entertainment, here are four random headlines we found when Googling "Waffle House":
Like our blog? Have any restaurants that you would like rated? Or maybe just a food fan? Leave us a comment below or email us.
Like our blog? Have any restaurants that you would like rated? Or maybe just a food fan? Leave us a comment below or email us.
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